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Build Better Relationships
Have you ever wondered why you relate to some people, and not to others? By examining personality differences, we find that when we have similar personality characteristics with others, we tend to click with them more easily. By better understanding your personality preferences and patterns, you will gain insight into how you can better relate to people, including those that have a different mindset to you.
Take a moment now to write your name on a piece of paper. Then, using your other hand, write your name again. Notice how writing with your non-preferred hand makes you feel. Imagine having to write with your non-preferred hand all the time. You might eventually become ‘ambidextrous’, however this would probably always feel a little awkward and unnatural.
The aim of getting you to write your name was to help you appreciate the sensation of applying your non-preferred abilities. Similarly to writing hand preference, we have a personality preference that we are born with. If you are forced to use your non-preferred personality, then it will feel uncomfortable, like using your non-preferred writing hand. By being aware of, and utilising your preferred personality to your advantage, you can build a better relationship with yourself and also with others.
What is MBTI Psychotherapy all about?
The science of MBTI Psychotherapy was pioneered by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, and then refined by Briggs, Myers, Keirsey, Delunas and others since the 1950s. The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is an instrument to assist diagnosis of an individual’s psychological type preference, and is now used all around the world in corporate and personal counselling environments. The MBTI instrument is best administered by a qualified MBTI practitioner, who will consult with you to confirm the results and provide insights and practical tools on how the resultant knowledge can benefit your life and relationships.
The MBTI classifies according to 16 distinct personality types, with four main temperaments – the Artisan, Guardian, Rational and Idealist. Each of these temperaments possesses different qualities determining your natural tendencies, values and motivators.
When you understand your temperament and that of those around you, you can adjust your choices to best suit your needs, as well as find harmonious ways of communicating with others.
The four temperaments.
The four temperaments are outlined below. Identify which one you think reflects your preferred personality:
The Artisan is a Negotiator, driven by freedom, impact and action. They trust their impulses, are realistic, focussed on the present and are skilful with tools. They are spontaneous and fun, enjoy variety, and are attracted to active, physical work, tactically getting the job done. Attracted to professions such as negotiator, troubleshooter, or trades professions.
The Guardian is an Investigator, who likes to make sure that everything is taken care of so things go right. They like operations to run smoothly and efficiently, and are responsible and dependable, being in favour of security, rules, routines, structure and predicability. They enjoy belonging to a cause or duty, being of service, and are attracted to professions like Police, Military, or Finance.
The Rational is the Inventor, who abstractly analyses situations pondering previously unthought of potential. Often focussing on the future, they are free, independent thinkers, questioning assumptions, and insightfully explaining things from a variety of perspectives. They thrive on developing models, theories and frameworks to describe things, and value competence and intellect. Attracted to professions like Planning, Science, Engineering, and Research.
The Idealist is the one taking delight in inspiring and being a catalyst for other people’s growth, as well as their own personal development. They are caring, nurturing, and respectful of the environment. They seek approval, harmony, and co-operation and often build bridges between people. Authentic and empathetic, they are drawn to professions providing meaning and a personal growth focus, such as Counselling, Health, or Education / Teaching.
How this can assist your life and relationships
Ultimately, by you being more aware of your own personality preference, you can better honour that in your lifestyle, and gain from its effects. Also, by understanding other people’s personality preferences, you can better accept their choices, which assists in building better relationships. Thus, through the union of being more aware of yourself and others around you, you gain the knowledge to build better relationships.
In my experience of MBTI counselling, I have found that if an individual fails to recognise and honour their preferred personality types, over time they begin to feel very unsatisfied and uncomfortable, yet often do not realise why. I have observed this discomfort manifest in many different forms, ranging from ‘depression’, ‘anxiety’, inexplicable ‘muscle paralysis’, or just intolerance of certain people. These symptoms were psychosomatically caused by the problem of a patient not understanding and honouring their personal preferences. By enabling their awareness of their preference, and prescribing appropriate actions to honour this, the patient was provided with an alternative solution to their problem, and a way forward to build a healthy relationship with their self, and with others.
Examining possible temperament relationship interactions:
Idealist-Rational: The challenge in this relationship may be that the Rational over analyses and detaches emotionally, conflicting with the Idealist’s strong need for connection. This leaves the Idealist feeling empty and unsatisfied. Knowing this, the Rational needs to invest effort in emotionally connecting, whilst the Idealist must appreciate that the Rational does care, despite their cool, calm exterior.
Idealist – Guardian: This relationship challenge may be that the Guardian’s enforcement of rules and structure may conflict with the Idealist’s desire to inspire growth and change. Knowing this, the Guardian needs to relax and accommodate, and the Idealist accept a little structure and organisation in order to integrate with the Guardian’s routines.
Idealist – Artisan: This relationship can become stressed by the Artisan’s impulsive spontaneity, especially if the Idealist senses non-harmonious risks or where ethics are involved. To make the relationship thrive, the Artisan needs to look/feel before they leap and the Idealist speak up if they feel uncomfortable.
Rational – Guardian: The Guardian’s love of predictable rules and structure is challenged by the Rational’s desire to question, adapt, and explore. Both sides need to find a happy balance between these differences, as either extreme will compromise one party. Establishing clear ‘rules’ of communication for healthy debate can be helpful in implementing changes.
Rational – Artisan: The Rational’s desire for analysing/designing optimum solutions, and task competence could be strained by the Artisans desire to just get in and do it, especially if the Artisan is not skilled in the task, and tacks up a half-solution. This Artisan initiating action can help focus the mind of the Rational so together they can deliver an ingenious, yet practical solution. Both parties need to maintain open and ongoing communications for this outcome to be reached.
Artisan – Guardian: With the Guardian expecting respect for authority, and the Artisan disliking rules and hierarchy, the Artisan’s spontaneous impulses are sure to be frowned upon as childish, or irresponsible by the Guardian, and create relationship drama. The Guardian needs to reconsider their desire for always making rules, and respect the Artisans freedom to live in the action of the moment. Artisans need to consider how others’ lives may be impacted by their thrill-seeking, and learn to foresee and accept adult responsibility for their actions.
Achieving Unity through our Diversity
Everyone is different, and through this diversity of human personality types and temperaments we have a vibrant world. In this modern life, we are each expected to perform a certain part. By recognising, and working within our individual MBTI personality strengths and weaknesses, we are able to develop relationships that move humanity, as a collective whole, in a positive forward direction.
For more information please contact Karl Matthews (MBTI Practitioner, Trainer, Vibrational Medicine Therapist, MBA, B.Eng.)
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